


Snowfall

by fallenpetals



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23396314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenpetals/pseuds/fallenpetals
Summary: Simon Snow has died.Baz Pitch doesn’t want to wake up.The Veil opens.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Kudos: 22





	Snowfall

**Author's Note:**

> Based On: Don’t Wake Me by Skillet.  
> Originally Posted: April 2017 (Tumblr)  
> 

> _“…I went to bed, I was thinking about you  
>  And how it felt when I finally found you  
>  It’s like a movie playing over in my head  
>  Don’t wanna look ‘cause I know how it ends…” _

It all happened much too quickly for comfort. We were playfully fighting at the bottom of the hill, when he pushed me out of the way.

He’s an idiot.

I didn’t know what was happening until it was too late.  
I heard the crashing of dozens of boulders into the ground, and automatically stood up. There was dust everywhere and I was coughing.

When the dust cleared, all I could see were piles and piles of broken rock and dirt where the love of my life had just been standing.

“Fuck,” I said, running up to the rock and frantically digging through it. “You bloody arse, where in Merlin’s name are you?”

I must admit, I was scared.

“Simon Snow, you better not be dead, or I will kill you!”

Thankfully, I found his foot, and yanked him out of the rubble 30 seconds later.

Again, it was too late.

He was barely able to keep his eyes open, and tears were streaming down my cheeks.

“Don’t die on me, you piece of shit,” I choked out. He managed to whisper my name, and it was the last thing that ever came out of his stupid fucking mouth. “I love you, Simon, I fucking love you, please,” I held his limp body close to my chest.  
“Please…”

Of course, my depressive ass yelled at me about how this was all my fault.

1\. He pushed me out of the way.  
2\. If I wasn’t being such an ass, we wouldn’t have been fighting.  
3\. If I hadn’t left my fucking wand in my other jacket, I could have healed him.  
The list goes on.

I don’t know how long it was until Bunce found us, and I don’t care.  
Of course, she immediately blamed me. I guess she noticed my crying, and started thinking otherwise.

“Aliester Crowley, Baz,” She sat down next to me. “What happened?”  
“This bloody idiot just saved my life.” I managed to choke out.

I saw her nod. Her face was expressionless, and I figured that she was better than me at hiding her emotions.

“Sorry to ask this, but… why aren’t you letting go of him?”

A new wave of tears fell down my face, and I turned to glare at her.

“The love of my life just fucking died because of me. Why the hell do you think I don’t want to let go?” I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but so much was happening that I just didn’t care.

Closing my eyes, I kissed the top of his head. (He would never had let me do that if he was alive.) 

(Probably.)

After a while, Bunce spoke again. “Y'know, you’re gonna have to let go eventually.”  
I sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are a few good things that came out of Snow’s death. (I’m not saying his death was one of them, I would never say that.)

The Mage stepped down due to depression, and somehow, Penelope’s mother became headmaster. Things at school became much calmer. Well, as calm as it could have been.

The magic sucking holes stopped appearing, and no one has heard from the Humdrum.  
So basically, there’s not really any more fighting. 

Except when Bunce takes the TV remote to watch telenovelas.

After I graduated, I moved into a flat with my Aunt. She’s never around much, and Penelope feels the need to check up on me at least once a week.

“I told you, Bunce, you don’t need to do this.”  
“There’s no way in hell that I’ll believe you’re okay, after what happened with Simon.”

Every time she makes that argument, I want to say ‘you were his best friend, he actually cared about you.’ But I just shut down.

She’s right, I’m not over Simon.

I don’t think I’ll ever get over Simon.

If I’m not staying awake thinking about him, then he’s filling my dreams.

I’m a mess.

You’d think that after five years, I would stop being so depressed about it. Fuck, even Bunce seems normal after she had a good cry two years ago on his deathiversary.

If it weren’t for Penelope checking in every week, I would have offed myself a long time ago.

I can’t stand Simon not being here.

Hey, look at me. I’m calling him by his first name now, and I don’t even care. I just want him to come back, I want that day to have never happened.

Penelope has gotten over it, but I can’t.  
I’ve tried distracting myself, believe me. It just doesn’t work.

Everything reminds me of him.

My phone buzzes, and I know it’s a text from Bunce. Who else would it be? No one except her and my Aunt have my number.

She’s probably ranting about the Veil or whatever. She’s been talking about it non stop. I haven’t been paying much attention, but I think it’s open or something. I don’t know. She came over here yesterday ranting about dead people, and I didn’t pay attention because I was thinking of Snow. Again.

Honestly, it’s like I’m the one who died. I haven’t been myself since.

I guess something like that would change anyone, but I didn’t expect it to affect me this much.  
I yawn, before climbing into my bed. It’s getting really late.  
Besides, I’m always tired. No matter how much I sleep.

My therapist says it’s the depression.

By therapist, I mean Bunce.

After I’m comfortable, I take off my glasses and set them on the table. (Reading glasses, forgot to take them off earlier.)

I close my eyes, but soon open then again when I hear a noise down the hall.

I sit up and listen closely, but nothing happens, so I go back to sleep.

Of course, I dream about Simon.  
All my dreams are about Simon.

It can be us fighting, going on a date, or even just hanging out.  
Even if he were still alive, only one of those things would be possible.

This time, we’re at a diner. Cliché, right? We’re even sharing a milkshake.

We’re happy.

He pulls away with that bright smile of his, and it looks like he’s going to say something.

Then, the boulders.  
They cover and crush him, and I’m crying in my sleep again.  
That’s how all my dreams of him end, with the boulders.

I wake up in a panic, calling out his name. (I’m used to this by now, it happens at least once a night.)

 ** _“Baz!”_**  
I jump at the sound of his voice, quickly scanning the room.

When I can’t find anything, I shrug, thinking I’m still in a dream. I close my eyes again.

**_“Baz, you idiot, wake up! I don’t have much time! What did she say? Five, ten minutes?”_ **

My eyes flash open, and there I see him, at the edge of my bed.  
Partially. He’s translucent, it seems.

“…Snow?”  
He tenses up, before giving that bright smile of his. _**“Baz! You’re awake!”**_  
“What the fuck.”  
He blinks at me, then laughs. _**“I thought that Penny would have told you. How is she?”**_  
“Told me what?”  
He must have grown impatient, because he shakes his head. **_“Ask her later, that’s not why I’m here.”_**  
“I’m dreaming. This is just another stupid nightmare, and the boulders will come any second.”

His eyes widen, before he smiles sheepishly. **_“You’re not dreaming. I’m here, Baz. It’s okay.”_**  
“But it’s not okay! You fucking died, and it’s been shit!” I don’t mean to yell at him, but tears are threatening to surface.  
His expression softens. **_“Baz, listen to me. It took a lot of energy getting here, I don’t wanna have to do it again in twenty years.”_** I raise my eyebrow at him, and he continues. **_“I heard what you said, after it happened.”_**  
“….What?”  
**_“You said… uhm….”_** His face turns a slight pink.

Can ghosts blush?  
Apparently.

**_“…You said that you loved me.”_ **

I freeze, feeling my face heat up. Being unable to say anything, I simply nod.

**_“I- I don’t think I have much time left. I came back to tell you I-”_ **

He shakes his head, and without warning, his lips crash into mine.  
I’m surprised, ghosts are able to kiss. That’s a new one.  
He pulls away, and he’s starting to fade completely.

“…Snow?”  
**_“Baz- I love you too- Fuck, I’m fading again, aren’t I? Uhm…”_** He looks around, before flashing that smile at me. **_“Try not to hate yourself, okay? It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault,”_** I stare at him, touching my lips and nodding. **_“I’m serious, Baz. It’s okay- I’m always- always here, I-”_** His words slowly fade, and so does he. One more blink, and he’s gone.

He’s gone again.

I sit up, holding my head.

Am I dreaming?

(I pinch my arm. Nope, not a dream.)

Why didn’t he visit Penelope instead?

(He loves me.)

Will he come back?

(Probably not.)

I sigh, leaning back into my bed.  
I swear to Crowley, I can hear Snow say **_“I love you”_** just one more time. Maybe I’m just imagining it.

I decide this is all too much to process at once, so I pick up my phone and quickly jot everything down in notes so I don’t wake up and forget, before setting it down and going back to sleep.

I dream of Simon again.

It doesn’t end with boulders this time.


End file.
